With Kelsey, it’s never been hard to get the dirt. Today she just offered it up. I actually think she was waiting for me to get home so she could tell me about a certain boy.

Everyday after school, Kelsey heads to the Y to work out. She’s dedicated. Works out for hours. Sounds impressive, right. And, you probably guessed it. The “hotties” tend to show everyday from 3:30 – 5:30.

According to Kelsey, some boys were checking her out today. “Mom, this boy came up to me and said, see that guy over there. He thinks you’re hot and wants your number.”

And I asked, “well, what you’d you say?”

She explained, “I said, How old are you? And he said 12. And then I said, And how old is your friend? And he said. 12.”

I recently came across Gretchen Rubin’s The Happiness Project and it has got me thinking… why don’t I start my own Happiness Project? So here I go.

I’m starting simple and we’ll see what happens.

Rule #1 – be thankful EVERY DAY.

Gretchen Rubin writes, “To be happier, you have to think about feeling good, feeling bad and feeling right, in an atmosphere of growth.” We don’t always have to be thankful for good things. Today, a friend reminded me that the majority of successful people in this world are not successful because of all the things that have gone right in their lives, but because of the things that have gone wrong.

Think about the inspirational stories you’ve heard. Most, if not all involve a failure, a setback or even a tragedy. These blessings shape us and alter the path that we walk. And it’s the belief that God equips us to handle everything put before us.

“Remember that I am sovereign over your circumstances, and humble yourself under My mighty hand. Rejoice in what I am doing in your life, even though it is beyond your understanding.”

Today, I’m thankful that I BELIEVE. And while I don’t understand the challenges that I’m currently dealing with, it’s not for me to control.

I hate when you get like this. It’s been going on for years, but I still don’t understand it. I just know that each time it happens, I feel like it gets darker and darker. Harder for me to be patient and loving. This is the time when I hate you most and don’t understand why you don’t fight harder. I’ve heard families of addicts ask, “If my mom really loves me, why doesn’t she stop drinking. Doesn’t she see what she’s doing to us?” That’s how I feel. Why can’t you take care of yourself? Why didn’t you take your insulin? Why won’t you get up and take it now? Don’t you care? Don’t you see the darkness you bring over all of us when you get like this? And aren’t you tired of missing things in our lives?

I try to understand. But all I can do now is pray. Pray for God to give me strength to get through this one more time. Pray for the ability to forgive you and and give you grace. But it gets hard. I try to understand and see things from your perspective. I do. But it’s hard.

Just now you were out of bed getting something to drink when I came in from my walk. You looked at me and looked away without saying anything. Going back to your nest leaving me to feel alone again. To pray for strength and to pick myself up. I’m learning that I can’t sit and feel sorry for you or myself or I get sucked in to darkness. It’s hard but I don’t want to live in the dark. I want sunshine and happiness. You want to die.

Is it going to be like this for the rest of my life?

Just before my first call, a friend sent me the following text, “Kristy…Just thinking of you and Wes today…”come to me all those that are weary, my yoke is easy my burden is light…Walk with me today and I will give you rest. Luv u.”

I actually wrote this passage down on a big sticky note and stuck it right above my computer. And as my day began to unravel and I felt the weight of being completely overwhelmed with requests; I looked up, read note and remembered. I’m so loved.

I remember having so much fun on this day. Wes, the kids and I met friends at UI for homecoming in October 2008. This is the day that Tyler decided that Idaho was his school too. The Vandals won! And I was with some of my favorite friends in the whole entire world.

I wish I could laugh like this everyday. So free to just lay my head back and laugh – soaking in the moment and loving every bit of it. SO WHY CAN’T I? I look at this picture and want to be that happy person. WHERE DID I GO? I used to have so much fun. I was fearless. The crazier the idea, the better. Now I live in a box married to an Outlook calendar and a never ending to-do list.

Now don’t get me wrong. My life is blessed with so many great things. And I’m so thankful. It’s just that I’ve been struggling with this whole notion of happiness and what makes me happy. Really, truly happy – all the way down to my toes. I want that.

IT is affectionately named Carlos after his namesake on The Hangover. Carlos is one of those babies that give teenagers a glimpse of the Secret Life of an American Teenager without having to get knocked up at band camp. And aside from spending a weekend with her little cousins, this could be the best abstinence experience EVER!

Hour 1: Carlos + Kelsey

Aaah, Friday. Done with school and ready for the weekend. Kelsey and Carlos get home and settle in for the weekend. This baby thing is a piece of cake.

Hour 2: Making Plans for the Weekend

“I think we’re going over to Dylan’s to hang out and maybe go to a movie,” Kelsey says.

“You can’t take that baby into a movie. What if it starts crying?” I ask.

Kelsey replies, “I have a babysitter bracelet. Maybe you and dad could watch Carlos.”

“We charge $10 an hour.” Followed by silence and then Carlos starts crying.

Hour 3: Getting Ready

So there’s Kelsey, in her bathroom getting ready to go out. With one hand, she’s carefully applying eyeliner. With the other, she’s replying to one text after the other. And there’s baby Carlos laying across the sink, bottle in mouth propped up with Kelsey’s toes.

Hour 3.5: Out the door

“Has anyone seen Carlos?” Kelsey

Wes chimes, “I think he’s on the doorstep where you left him.”

Now, with this kind of book learning why is everyone up in arms that our students won’t be ready to compete in tomorrow’s job market. Come on! With this training, they’ll surely be able to navigate the professional world with such well quipped phrases as, “are you f*cking kidding me?” and “he wouldn’t know foreign policy if it bit him on the ass.”

This story reminded me of Kelsey’s first profanity lesson. Three years old and wise to the world, she approached Wes and said, “Dad, we don’t say God damn.”

Wes: “No, Kels, we don’t say God damn.”

Kelsey: “We just say fuck. Huh?”

As the spots ends, our genius son who’s currently taking an A.P. Economics course pipes up, “Sears has been around a long time too. We talked about it in class last week.”

Beaming at the realization that Tyler’s paying attention in class, I respond with, “You know, you used to be able to order homes from the Sears catalog.”

“Yeah, well you used to be able to order brides too,” Tyler added.

“Really?” I ask a little stunned. “Wonder when they stopped that?”

Tyler, “Well, when I order my next washer and dryer, I’ll ask if a wife comes with that.”

I just keeled over – dead from the shock of seeing a pig nose growing on my son’s face.

The current headline today on CNN.com is “BUSH: We Must Act Now.” Really? Well

gee, Mr. President. Nice of you to fucking chime in. It was so comforting to know

that you cancelled your travel plans yesterday to stay in Washington to attend

meetings on the economic crisis. Thanks. FOR NOTHING.

And in case your super power brain can’t comprehend how the mess you’ve created over the past 8 years has impacted the average family…let me break it down for you.

I lay awake at night wondering if the 401K that I’m been building up the past 15 years is going to worth a damn next week. I work more for less each month because of my generous tax donation and higher health insurance premiums. I worry about how I’m going to pay for college next year when I’m pumping tuition money into a gas pump each month. I pay more for fewer groceries.  And I’M ONE OF THE LUCKY ONES!  

You’re right, Georgie. We Must Act Now.

Act 1: increase my donation to Obama’s campaign

Act 2: make my voice heard – we deserve better than this